It's been a long road.
There are two churches, the False and the True. Often they seem to coexist, with the cold rules and feeble strength of the False Church ever attempting to dampen the holy fire found in the True. A good portion of my life I have spent trying to discern the one from the other - no easy task for a young Christian. Many beliefs of the False Church are accepted, 'traditional' Christian beliefs, and to reject them is sometimes to be rejected by those who claim Christ as Lord.
I have tried to remain true to the Truth. Perhaps I have succeeded - perhaps not. Perhaps I have worshipped Truth too often, rather that worshipping him who is truth itself. I am not alone in this, I fear. Likely many fall victim to loving a system of theology, rather than the THEOS which claims to be it's focus. I am sure the Adversary is delighted with such.
Not that theology is not important! I want to know everything about God there is to know, everything which I am capable of grasping. But Father, let me know You first, and then know more about you! The order is crucial: the fruit of the one is life and peace and joy, the other is severity and anger, self-righteousness and pride, arrogance and condescension. Lord, help me follow after You!
It's almost as ridiculous as if I was satisfied with a biography of my wife, but never held her in my arms or spoke to her, or asked her what she was feeling. Such cold fellowship.
Well, I am at times (to say the least) an arrogant, self-righteous man. At least I know it - a little. I think there may be more below the surface, which God has mercifully hidden from me for the time being. However, it is my desire to cease to be so, to stop returning evil for evil, even in my own heart. To love first, and condemn never. To give respect. To pray more and talk less. To give more, and worry less. Father, make a new man of me, for I grow weary of the old!
Pray for me, that I may be like Him who made me.
The materials you find on this site reflect the different things I have thought about over the years. I hope to add more, and better, material soon. If anything here helps you in your walk, thank God for it, for He is the source. If any is arrogant or short-sighted, forgive me, for I still have a long way to go. The way is narrow, and the road is long, but I have the best of companions along the way!
Todd Enders
Written: June 2, 2006
